Daddy's Girl, Momma's Headache

I've kind of been dilly-dallying around this list. The rest of the questions seem to ask for two many of something (TEN pet peeves???) or were potentially touchy subjects for me. My relationship with my parents (a la question number three) is kind of touchy too. But my mom came to my work to have lunch with me yesterday and I've been inspired. So here goes... everything.


When I was little, most of what I remember was awesome- for a little kid. But my parents raised me back before spanking your children was a faux pas. I got spanked a lot as a kid. But, as an adult, as much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm the better for it. I've only spanked AB half a dozen times. I feel bad every single time but I reserve them for the most severe of offenses (unlike my parents did) and when I've given them to her, they work and she changes her behavior. 


I bring this up because the fact that I feel bad when I spank AB is something I think makes a difference. My dad, as the traditional male disciplinarian (think, "you just wait till your father gets home"), would beat the tar out of us. He had one of those thick leather cowboy belts with his name stamped into it. When he got done spanking us, our red rear ends would read SSUR (Russ, backwards). My mom was equally as brutal when she took matters into her own hands. My most vivid memory of her was one night, while I was in the bath, she pulled me out, naked, dragged me by the hair, through the house to the laundry room in the back. From what I remember, I'd dumped out my clean clothes basket and all my clean, folded laundry lay all over the floor. I don't remember if it was actually me that dumped out the basket, although it's likely that I did. 


The chief difference between my mom and my dad is that my Dad showed genuine remorse. More often than not, he'd breakdown in tears after disciplining us whereas my Mom just stayed angry. 


I think this is why I began to fear my Mom more than my Dad. I did some pretty terrible things to my family when I was a teen. I deserved a lot of the grief that was given to me by my parents. But at the same time, not to lessen my crimes, I wasn't THAT bad. I never was arrested. I didn't start drinking alcohol till I was 20. I've never done a drug in my life. I think I came home after curfew a couple of times but most of the time I was home when I was supposed to. I even had decent grades. I was never a straight A student but I was a solid A/B kid. 


The thing is, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. But the thing that sets my parents (and my relationships with them) apart is that my Dad sees how hard I'm trying to make my life right and respectable. My Mom, for the most part, still gets mad at me, lectures me, and tries to tell me all the things I'm doing wrong and how I should be doing it. When times are tough, my Dad says, "don't worry about it. I've got you covered." My Mom says, "well if you hadn't done yadda yadda yadda, you wouldn't be in that situation."  


My relationship with my Mom has gotten better since I had AB and since I moved away. Not seeing her everyday has made me resent her less and her not seeing me has taken away her ability to micromanage. So now, when we do see each other, it's more of a reunion rather than a "not this again" event. I also think that with the death of my sister, my mom has gotten closer to me. Or at the very least she's more concerned with my mental well-being. It's kind of been nice having her wonder how I'm doing randomly. She even, on occasion, tell me "I love you." Which sounds normal for most Moms but my Mom's normal response is "me too" or "ditto" or "back atcha." It's always bothered me a lot. But after losing my sister, she's said it more often.

My relationship with my Dad grows everyday. He might not have been around a lot when I was kid due to work schedules but seeing him as a grandpa to AB has been magical. I wonder if he was as much fun with me as a baby as he has been with AB. I admire him because I know he stands up to my Mom when she's treating me unfairly. It's at a cost for him for sure because my mom is a serious storm to deal with sometimes. He does things like putting new brakes on my car and helping load and unload moving vans that show me how much he loves me. I love my Dad more than almost every other man on the planet. 

I hope my relationship with my mom improves. I hope that one day she'll see that I'm really trying to do the best I can but that like everyone, I'm human and imperfect and I make mistakes too. 


The List

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.  

SUPER!

I need something light-hearted today since I'm feeling a bit low. For that reason, I've chosen number twenty-one: If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first? 


Believe it or not, this is tough! I've got all these ideas running through my head but I keep talking myself out of them. Here's a few of my thoughts.


1) The ability to fly- this is great! Like Superman, you could get anywhere anytime. This would be great, and probably my first choice, but what's the fun in flying if you don't have anyone who can fly with you. "But Angela, why don't you just carry the person you want to take with you," you ask? Because, wouldn't that require super strength? And the question allows for only one power.


2) Super strength- No jelly or pasta sauce jar would ever best me again! Not to mention moving from apartment to apartment would be a lot easier. But I'm pretty sure it would emasculate any man I knew if I could beat the crap out of them without even batting an eyelash.


3) Invisibility- It sure came in handy for Harry Potter et al. when they wanted to spy on people or avoid being caught. But since my sleuthing days are over and I generally only sneak around when I'm trying to not wake anyone up in the mornings, I think this power might be overrated.


I also wondered... does this super power have to really "exist?" Ok, I know super powers don't really exist, but what I mean is, does is have to be an already established super power? Or can I make something up like Super Philanthropy- the power to help people anywhere? Or maybe Super Insight- the power to see the consequences of your actions before you do them?


Wikipedia has quite a list of superhuman powers found in fiction. It's impressive, really, the way they have it broken down and organized and they even cite the characters with the particular powers. The ones that most interest me are Healing Powers, Animal Mimicry, Innate Capability, Omni-Linguism, Shape-Shifting and Self-Detonation or Explosion & Reformation. 



Healing powers are kind of a self-explanatory one. Can you imagine how nice it would be to be able to heal yourself? I'm imagining a world with no aches and pains. My brain hurts just trying to comprehend how awesome that would be.


Animal mimicry, that is being able to take on the abilities of animals, would be pretty neat too. Let's say you slam your fingers in the car door. Ow, ok... but pull 'em out of there and grow new fingers! Plus, in theory, this would involve the ability to fly too.


Innate Capability- Man, where was THIS when I was in college? I'm not entirely convinced that the ability to naturally have skills otherwise earned through learning is a super power. I'm pretty sure I went to school with people who worked less than half as hard as I did and did at least twice as better academically. But it would be super if I had it...


Here I am being practical with omni-linguisim or the ability to speak any form of a language, "a natural polyglot" according to Wikipedia. I just want to be called a polyglot. But imagine the job opportunities!


Similar to the animal mimicry in that you can take on the abilities of animals, shape-shifting not only would allow you to take on the abilities but to become the animal itself. And it's not just limited to animals. You could, in theory, shape-shift into anything.

Self-Detonation or Explosion & Reformation... ok, so the ability to blow up and reform isn't really useful in any scenario I can imagine myself in, but how cool! Talk about the life of the party!

I've pretty much got it down to either the healing powers or the shape-shifting. Of course the practical side of me says healing, especially if I can transfer those healing powers to others when I need it. But the idea of becoming anything and everything I want is so tempting too. I'm thinking shape-shifting into a gorgeous swimsuit model might be the best idea ever.

What would your super power be?

The List

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.  

What's Harder Than Hard?

I'm tackling number six today: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced? At first, when I considered the question, a few things came to mind. Things like telling my folks I was 21, unwed and pregnant. Or the many breakups with boyfriends past. Losing jobs and being beyond poverty. Even heartaches like being the last single girl in my group of friends, watching them all get married and wondering when it would be my turn. 


I was actually surprised when my sister's death wasn't the first thing to pop into my mind. She's been gone 495 days and everyday since feels like it happened that morning. I'm not exaggerating. When I think about it, it feels the same way it did the night my brother called me and told me she'd died. 


"We're down a sister," he said. 


It didn't take but a millisecond for me to comprehend the meaning of his statement. My heart seized. Every muscle tensed. My whole body heaved with my sobs. 


My sister was 24 years old. She had graduated six month earlier with her Doctorate in Pharmacy. She'd been participating in an internship at a big Tulsa hospital. By most standards, she was an extremely smart, talented, driven young woman. She certainly put my accomplishments to shame. 


But she'd struggled with depression since 8th grade. She'd been off and on different medicines since that time and had finally found one that worked really well for her. Then the generic version came out and her insurance auto-filled, like most do, with the generic instead of the name brand she had been on.


We didn't find out until after she died, from her Pharmacy director at the hospital, that generic drugs only have to be 75% as effective as their brand name counterparts. And that the only ingredient that has to be the same is the active ingredient. All the "inactive" ones that make your pills blue or pink, or gel caps or slow release, all of those ingredients can be changed. 


My sister, the night before she killed her self, had been on several blogs and found that many patients who had switched from the brand name to the generic were having issues. She called and told my mom about her findings and my mom told her to call the doctor, first thing the next morning, to request that the prescription be changed to brand name only. It's a little check box on your doctor's prescription pad. All they have to do is check it and the pharmacy has to fill it with the brand name. You'll pay a higher price but how can you put a price tag on a life?


My sister never made the call to the doctor. She made a phone call to my mom at 7:15am the following morning, which my mom missed because she was still asleep, and then didn't show up to work. Her pharmacy director, concerned about her and knowing that she was not the kind of person to not show up to work without calling, went to her apartment to check on her. He noted that her car was in the parking lot but that there was no answer at the door, nor on her cell phone. He called the police. They entered her apartment and found her there. 


She left no note.


The Pharmacy Director said that when a suicide is chemically induced, that a person isn't in their "right mind." He said that they can't think clearly and can't plan ahead, hence the absence of the note. I have to believe this. I have no choice. Otherwise, I have no idea what to believe was going through my sister's head. 


495 days later, I still struggle. I bought her car and drive it everyday. It has Superman stickers on the windows and there's a homemade (and hand-decorated) CD in the player titled "Tongue Piercing Mix." I tried to play it but it's so beat up and scratched it skips badly. I hear songs on the radio that either remind me of her or were songs we used to sing at the top of our lungs in perfect harmony. 


I miss her so much my heart literally hurts. What's the hardest thing I've ever experienced? Being unable to save my sister.

The List

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for. 

A Day in My Shoes...

Remember in this post how I mentioned in number nine that I was drooling over this pair of shoes? Well guess what? 

Someone bought them for me! I was sitting at home, feeling miserable with my head cold/sinus infection, when I saw UPS pull up and start walking towards our building. "I didn't order anything. Did you?" I said to Hubson. "Nope," he said. Nevertheless, UPS knocked, I answered and said, "I don't even know what I ordered..." and he said, "Looks like shoes to me." And sure enough, it was a TOMS box! And inside were my Lovelies! 

I have no idea who sent them and no one is confessing. I figure it has to be someone who reads this blog AND someone who knows my shoe size. :) So here's a GIANT thank you to my secret shoe sender!

All that being said, I've chosen to do number twelve: Describe a typical day in your current life or (and here's my nicely planned segue) "in your shoes." So here goes nothing!

My Monday through Friday routine is pretty steady (except when vomit, strep or fevers are involved...). The alarm on my phone goes off at 5:15am. If I have to shower that morning, I get right up. If I showered the night before or if it's my day off (I shower every other day to keep my skin from falling off in chunks.), then I hit the snooze for an extra 10 minutes. When it goes off, I grab my phone, turn on my flashlight app and slink around the room grabbing whatever it is I plan to wear that day. I nuke some oatmeal or have a bowl of cereal, brush my teeth, do my hair and makeup all before getting dressed. Weird? Maybe but no one else is awake and if I get dressed first, I'm bound to end up with oatmeal, cereal, milk, toothpaste, hair and/or makeup on my clothes. So it's really easier on me (and my laundry basket) if I get dressed afterwards. :P 

I hit the road at 6am. I live precisely 52.1 miles from work. Google Maps says it should take me 59 minutes to get there but Google Maps has obviously never driven through the I-35/820 corridor during rush hour. I listen to NPR on the way to work most mornings. I enjoy Morning Edition and it's likely the only news I'll get all day. 

I get to work about 7:30am or so, clock in and head to my desk. I'm a receptionist at a retirement center and I LOVE IT! I adopted 150 grandparents when I started working here. Since I have no grandparents living, it's been awesome. I pretty much answer phones, make copies, send out mailings, sell stamps and meal tickets, hand out hearing aide batteries and chat with residents. A big part of my job is running interference between the residents and the office staff (who's trying to get real business done). I love my residents. Even the crazy ones are awesome because it keeps my day interesting. The other day, I had to help a resident fill out new patient paperwork before her trip to the doctor. She's slightly hard of hearing, so I had to ask her, quite loudly, if she's been experiencing diarrhea, constipation, or blood in her urine. Her response, "No honey. I've stopped bleeding." :) How can that not make you giggle (and cringe) at least a little bit?

I get off work at 4:30 which is great, because I get to hit the highway ever so slightly before the nine-to-five crowd which gives me a tiny bit of a head start on the traffic. On a good day, I'm back home by 5:30 (5:45 if I stop to pick up the kiddo). On a bad day, I might not make it home till 6:30 or later.

When I get home, I start on dinner almost immediately. Kid goes to bed between 7 and 7:30 (when things go right anyway) so ideally, dinner is on the table by 6 or 6:30. It doesn't always work that well but I try.

Then Hubson and I spend the evening loafing on the couch. It's my favorite time of day. It's the only down time I get and it's the only time we get together. So the three hours or so from 7-10pm are precious to me. 

Of course some nights there's laundry to be done or grocery runs to make or nail appointments and what not. But that's typically how things go. Nothing extraordinary but that's my life and I love it.

The List

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for. 

The Language of Love

So today marks my first wedding anniversary with Hubson. We did it! We made it a year! I really feel like it's a dancing in the street moment. Any newlyweds who tell you that their first year was "amazing" or "better than I ever imagined" or "perfect" are dirty little liars. The first year is HARD! This year, we've yelled and cried and thrown things and we've both threatened to end our marriage. We've had in-law issues and money issues and car issues and bill issues and apartment issues... pretty much, if you can think about it, we've fought over it. 


But there's one thing that Hubson and I are both good at and that's expressing to each other how much we love one another. It's definitely the glue that holds us together. Part of our success in this communication is a premarital class we took at church called The Five Love Languages. It's a complete coincidence that number  twenty-eight asks what my love language is but I thought today would be a good day to attack this question.


The idea behind The Five Love Languages is that we all feel, and speak, love in different ways. Some of us need to hear that we're loved (Words of Affirmation). Some need to have time focused solely on building the relationship (Quality Time). Some feel loved when their given a thoughtful gift (Receiving Gifts). Some like to be hugged, kissed, cuddled or have their hand held (Physical Touch) and some feel loved when you ease their personal burdens and help out around the house (Acts of Service). Ideally, couples should learn what their own language is as well as the language of the spouse. If they speak the same Love Language, then they're probably off to a good start. But if they speak a different Love Language than their spouse, then the challenge is to learn to speak in your spouse's language so that they feel loved they way they need to.


Like my friend Julie did in her blog, The Zombie Mom, I took the quiz for both the wife and for singles. Here are my results:


As a wife:
9- Quality Time
9- Acts of Service
6- Words of Affirmation
3- Gifts
3- Physical


As a single:
‎12- Quality Time
7- Acts of Service
7- Words of Affirmation
4- Gifts
0- Touch


When Hubson and I took the quiz before we got married, I think my results were similar but not exactly the same. He does a great job of spending "quality time" with me. Which means, for us, hanging out on the couch in the evenings watching our favorite programs. And if I'm being completely honest, I'd say "watching all MY favorite programs." Hubson is a sport when it comes to me and my TV shows. I've only got a couple that I watch religiously but since I literally have NO time alone EVER, he ends up watching them with me. He's also pretty good at acts of service. Sure, I have to ask him to do the dishes, but he does them. Which means I don't have to and that's good enough for me. And, he also puts up with my OCD. So he puts the dishes away in alternating colors. He puts DVDs away according to their genre. He neatly organized all his comic books and put them in the nice file boxes I bought for him. Well... most of them anyway. But you get the picture.


Hubson's Love Language was by far Words of Affirmation. (He scored a 12, which is the highest you can get in any one category.) So I bought a box of (REALLY COOL) postcards and I started sending them to him (back when we were dating and not living together). I started a journal where I'd write a letter to him and he could write a letter back to me. I leave him little notes of encouragement on our dry erase board and post messages and picture to his Facebook wall. All little words to give him the boost he needs and to show him that I love him.

I should mention that I think, like Julie mentioned in her blog, that there are differences between my wife quiz and my singles quiz because when I took the wife quiz, I applied the questions to my husband. When I took the singles quiz, I applied the questions to my friends. I'm not much into holding hands and kissing my friends. Haha. But I do like spending time with them and doing things like donating free babysitting time so they can get out without kiddos for an evening. 

So, excuse me while I go do a celebration dance in the street. Making it this first year is DEFINITELY something to dance about. Oh, and it's a good time to eat that year old frozen cake too. :)

The List

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

All Will Be Well

So today on The List is number four. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self. Do I only get 10??? It makes me think of the Rod Stewart song, Ooh La La where he sings, "I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger. I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was stronger." I love Rod Stewart. I should probably listen to him more... Anyway, here goes nothin!


10 Things I Would Tell My 16 Year Old Self


1. Philip won't be your last love. The saying "there's plenty of fish in the sea" is true. You'll meet plenty of young men in the future. Yes, it hurts like you'll never be okay again, but you will be. And don't worry, it may not happen the way you always dreamed, but you'll meet Mr. Right and your wedding will be FABULOUS.


2. It's okay to be single. Learn to love yourself. That's more important than loving anyone else.


3. Don't be ashamed of your faith but don't be critical of others. Closed-mindedness is not a virtue. Stand up for what you believe in but don't force those beliefs on others. Who's to say you're absolutely right and they're absolutely wrong? 


4. You and mom will always butt heads but it'll get better. Dad will be your quiet warrior. 


5. Talk to Becca more. Those stamped and addressed envelopes you gave her for HS graduation? Actually send them. Don't wait for her to send one to you. Call her. Go visit her. Be more involved in every way. She needs you. And you could be her saving grace. 


6. Birth control is only 99% effective. The 1% could result in an unexpected pregnancy.


7. Be more in tune with your body. Notice trends. Notice differences. Be aware of changes.


8. Drink a glass of water between each alcoholic drink. Trust me. This is solid advice and will save you from SO many headaches.


9. Be careful who you trust. Sometimes, the people close to you are more hazardous to your health than the people you push to the back burner. Choose your friends wisely. They help build your character. Pick the ones who will build you up, not knock you down.


10. Discover an attitude of gratitude early. When you're able to see and appreciate the little joys in life, the dark parts get less dark. Say "thank you" to everyone, no matter how small the gesture. 

"All Will Be Well" -Gabe Dixon Band

The List

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Moving Musings

I'm doing number 17 today. What is the thing you wish you were great at? It's funny because I was thinking about this on my way to work today. I'm actually terrified that I'll never figure out what I'm meant to be. In one of my 20 random facts about myself, I mentioned that in my lifetime, I've wanted to be about a million different things. I even went to clown school for a little while. But in my car today I was thinking... what if I never amount to anything? What if I never become anything? In Christianity we often talk about how we're often "called" or led to do or be something. A teacher. A missionary. A nurse. Whatever. It's supposed to be this strong inclination that God is leading you down a path that He knows you'll be successful at, or that you have a certain gift for. I've never felt like I was called or compelled or led or had any particular gifts in anything. I've had hobbies here and there, but none that amounted to anything. I've entertained different careers, but none have seemed to pan out. 


One thing does remain the same and that's that I generally love people. My favorites seem to be the very old and the very young. It's all the people in between, teenagers, people my age and my parents age that drive me nuts. But really, I can get along with almost anyone. So I guess if I had to be great at something, it would be empathy? Or maybe I'm already great at that and I just don't know it. 


Even if I can't put my finger on one thing I want to be great at, I know I want to be great at something. Anything. I just want to feel like I can be proud of something.




The List

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Embarrassing...

Today, I'm going with number ten: Describe your most embarrassing moment. It's pretty easy. I get embarrassed a lot but I had one experience, so mortifying, that people who know about it remind me of it anytime we get nostalgic about college days. Lol.


So here's the back story. I dated a guy in college who played the tuba. I spent a lot of time going to football and basketball games to hang out with him (since they were always on the weekends). In the process of dating this guy, I met and became friends with another tuba player, Megan. In a funny story I'll save for later, Megan let me play her tuba and I was hooked. I took one semester of private lessons and then tried out for marching band the very next semester. I was beside people who had been marching, most of them, since their freshman year in high school and who had played their instruments for many more years than that. And here I was 3 months into my tuba playing and a marching virgin. I learned a LOT in a very short amount of time. And, if I may be so bold, I did pretty good! I mean, I wasn't great or anything but I didn't look like a total moron and I didn't mess up the line any more often than seasoned marchers. Until...


I'd guess we were midway through the football season. I'd marched successfully in plenty of games and exhibitions and infinitely more practices. I was doing good even considering that our show involved running. RUNNING. With TUBAS. If you'd told me six months earlier that I'd be running with a tuba around my neck, I'd have laughed and bet my bank account that you were out of your mind. Anyway, we were preparing for a home game one weekend. I always liked home games better because the atmosphere is so awesome and at the time, our college team was gaining popularity on a national level and our hometown fans were getting more and more excited. So much so that, at the game they announced that we had hit a record breaking attendance level. Great! Woo! Go team! Except...


It had been raining earlier that day. By the time we paraded into the stadium, it was back to blue skies so spirits were high again. The game started. We were undefeated that season, so although I can't remember, I bet we were ahead. Halftime came, we started the show, the same show I'd done dozens of times before. But I'd never marched on a wet field. I took a step backwards to move to my next mark and I slipped and fell backwards over my tuba. 


It didn't hurt. Not yet. To my credit, I got back up and finished the show, even if I had tears running down my face the whole time. But a record breaking number of people saw that fall. I'd lost the neck to my tuba and my mouth piece in the fall but I didn't care. I got off the field and immediately laid down. Ow. My back hurt pretty badly but not as bad as my ego and pride. I went to the hospital. I think final diagnosis was a bad back sprain. I didn't march for a couple of weeks afterward but I eventually got back to it and finished out a great season.


The kicker to the story? A couple of weeks after my fall, a friend and I were at the movies. She had her band shirt on and a couple of guys in the row behind us, who also went to our school, asked us what we played. My friend said flute. I said tuba. And one of the guys said, "WHOA! Do you know that guy who fell a couple of weeks ago??? That was awesome!"


Yeah. Yeah, I know that guy.


The List


1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.