When I was little, most of what I remember was awesome- for a little kid. But my parents raised me back before spanking your children was a faux pas. I got spanked a lot as a kid. But, as an adult, as much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm the better for it. I've only spanked AB half a dozen times. I feel bad every single time but I reserve them for the most severe of offenses (unlike my parents did) and when I've given them to her, they work and she changes her behavior.
I bring this up because the fact that I feel bad when I spank AB is something I think makes a difference. My dad, as the traditional male disciplinarian (think, "you just wait till your father gets home"), would beat the tar out of us. He had one of those thick leather cowboy belts with his name stamped into it. When he got done spanking us, our red rear ends would read SSUR (Russ, backwards). My mom was equally as brutal when she took matters into her own hands. My most vivid memory of her was one night, while I was in the bath, she pulled me out, naked, dragged me by the hair, through the house to the laundry room in the back. From what I remember, I'd dumped out my clean clothes basket and all my clean, folded laundry lay all over the floor. I don't remember if it was actually me that dumped out the basket, although it's likely that I did.
The chief difference between my mom and my dad is that my Dad showed genuine remorse. More often than not, he'd breakdown in tears after disciplining us whereas my Mom just stayed angry.
I think this is why I began to fear my Mom more than my Dad. I did some pretty terrible things to my family when I was a teen. I deserved a lot of the grief that was given to me by my parents. But at the same time, not to lessen my crimes, I wasn't THAT bad. I never was arrested. I didn't start drinking alcohol till I was 20. I've never done a drug in my life. I think I came home after curfew a couple of times but most of the time I was home when I was supposed to. I even had decent grades. I was never a straight A student but I was a solid A/B kid.
The thing is, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. But the thing that sets my parents (and my relationships with them) apart is that my Dad sees how hard I'm trying to make my life right and respectable. My Mom, for the most part, still gets mad at me, lectures me, and tries to tell me all the things I'm doing wrong and how I should be doing it. When times are tough, my Dad says, "don't worry about it. I've got you covered." My Mom says, "well if you hadn't done yadda yadda yadda, you wouldn't be in that situation."
My relationship with my Mom has gotten better since I had AB and since I moved away. Not seeing her everyday has made me resent her less and her not seeing me has taken away her ability to micromanage. So now, when we do see each other, it's more of a reunion rather than a "not this again" event. I also think that with the death of my sister, my mom has gotten closer to me. Or at the very least she's more concerned with my mental well-being. It's kind of been nice having her wonder how I'm doing randomly. She even, on occasion, tell me "I love you." Which sounds normal for most Moms but my Mom's normal response is "me too" or "ditto" or "back atcha." It's always bothered me a lot. But after losing my sister, she's said it more often.
My relationship with my Dad grows everyday. He might not have been around a lot when I was kid due to work schedules but seeing him as a grandpa to AB has been magical. I wonder if he was as much fun with me as a baby as he has been with AB. I admire him because I know he stands up to my Mom when she's treating me unfairly. It's at a cost for him for sure because my mom is a serious storm to deal with sometimes. He does things like putting new brakes on my car and helping load and unload moving vans that show me how much he loves me. I love my Dad more than almost every other man on the planet.
The List
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
No comments:
Post a Comment